Prologue

 

“John, tell me the story one more time — of how we met,” Roberta said.                                                                                       “Okay alright, so this is what happened. It was the afternoon, work was busy as usual and things didn’t look like they were slowing down either. My boss spoke to me shortly after I arrived and emphasized that I had to get this deal done. There was one more house on the market in Tarrytown that no one was willing to buy, and if I wanted that promotion, this was my only way in. I pressed my navy blue pants that morning until I saw my trousers sizzle under the iron. My white button-down received the same treatment, though I wish I went a little easy on the collar. Swiftly, I grabbed the solid black tie, I called it my ace of spades, my trump card which I could never go wrong with. With such a well-prepared outfit, it was only right that I paired it with my brand new Versace loafers, a slice of heaven which I save only for special occasions. I combed my hair to perfection and dashed out the door while only catching a glimpse at the time. I was to meet the buyer in 20 minutes and I heard she was not going to be an easy sell. I got there just in time and waited outside with my head straight forward and stood tall as if I were the Queen's Guard. I never pray, but today I bowed my head, closed my eyes, and I asked God to intervene on my behalf, and do something that I knew only he could do. Suddenly before I could even finish, I was accosted by the sound of a woman saying, “Helllooooo?” I quickly opened my eyes and looked up, then my heart pumped with authority. In one glance, I was stunned by her light brown eyes, so calming yet fierce. Her hair was curly and brushed back into a bun as if she rushed this morning, but still maintained a brush of perfection. I couldn’t tell if she had on make-up, but judging by her unwillingness to put on earrings, I don’t think she was in the mood to impress anyone today. I’ve always heard of love at first sight, though I never thought I would see myself being the one cliché in the room who agreed with it. But one thing I know for sure, if I wanted God to do anything for me today, it would be just to give me a chance with her. My adrenaline was definitely running the show as I made a feeble attempt to think of something clever. Come on John you got this, be a man! 

“Hey — I mean hi how are ya.” I could tell by her smirk and giggle that she noticed my obvious timid introduction. Yet her smile was so beautiful and her laugh so cute, it forced me to let my guard down and laugh at my own shyness. I felt comfortable, and I could tell by her eyes that she did too. She extended her hand while laughing and said, 

                 “Your name?” I felt my nerves slowing down after a bit then I quickly wiped my clammy hands off on my trousers and extended my right arm, 

“Hi, I’m John, let me show you around.” As we walked into the 4 bedroom Villa, I wanted to say something to her but she made me so nervous. From the corner of my eye, I saw her glance at me then I turned, our eyes were locked on each other and all she could do was smile; immediately I was at ease once again. 

  “After you,” I said, then we walked in.

​

My Letter, For Your Eyes Only 

 

Why should I always be the one to impress somebody? My whole life they would tell me, ‘you better smile Jamie or no one will want you’. Yeah, as if I care, what do they know about living in a house with a bunch of immature adolescents who feel as if they’re too grown to clean up after themselves. It’s a mental stress greater than any of these entitled adults could fathom. I kind of see it as a double edged sword being that if I get adopted, then I would’ve sold myself like a common whore on the street as I smile and twirl for the parents watching. Then again, I could always stay and listen to these kids tell stories about who they think their real parents are, and if they’re even looking for them right now. Most people here get picked on if they find out that your mom and dad left you here, rather than them dying in a horrific accident leaving you as the lone survivor. People don’t pick on the survivors, they only meddle with those who were never wanted in the first place. I mean, who wouldn’t love a baby? To get left at an orphanage, everyone assumes that you either cried too much or were too ugly to bear. Or maybe you were just another rape baby, one that was tossed in the dumpster as you sat in two days’ worth of shit until someone scraped you up and hurled you in an orphanage — like me. Those are the ones who have it the worst here. They would say that you would grow up and become a rapist just like your father, and your life here would be a living hell. The kids were ruthless, and if you snitched on them everyone would hate you because reputation is what matters the most here. It’s sort of strange because although we all had problems, at the end of the day we were family; just maintain a good reputation and don’t snitch. I guess the sins of the father indeed follow the son. I wish Saint Van Dyke never told me the truth about who he was, and I wish the other kids didn't find out. All of the talking, all of the disrespect, it's the main reason why I want out; so I guess whore it is.  

Saint Van Dyke was committed to finding us a good Christian home to live in. So every Sunday she would invite the church folk who didn’t/couldn’t have any children, or the ones who should be doing Christian work, to come over and essentially “shop.” Every Sunday we would get whipped into shape and would have to clean every inch of the orphanage then put on our best outfit. Saint Van Dyke would sit us down every day and personally brush our hair and oil our faces to make sure we looked divine. All the boys wore the same church outfit, trousers and a button-down shirt with a bow tie, while the girls would wear a silk white dress going down to their knees. It was a way of showing the parents who arrived that were all the same, just children who are looking for a home. We all sat in the dining hall and played while the parents would come from church and gather around to watch. Some of them would play with us, usually, that meant that they wanted you. As for the older kids like myself, it’s not cute when a 13-year-old plays with toy trucks so we often sat off to the side and would do puzzles or read books. The same thing happens every Sunday, one of the adorable children gets picked while the older kids would sit around and waste away until they were 18. 

I hated putting together puzzles but there was nothing else to do, and if I didn’t behave myself Saint Van Dyke would make sure I would pay. The one thing that I love doing is sliding the final piece of the puzzle into place, the multi-edged piece of the top of the castle. This is my favorite one since everyone looks so happy. It’s a puzzle of a queen, king, and his two children, but deep down I know it’s a facade since they probably hate each other. Just as I was lost in a daze a couple sat by me and asked about my puzzle. I wanted to preach to them about how happy endings don’t exist, and castles are just a place where people are just puppets that make the crown happy, but I smiled and said something adorable. The guy seemed to be intrigued by me but his wife didn’t seem happy at all, but who cares. To my surprise, they instructed me to follow them as we marched over to Saint Van Dyke. I saw all the orphans stare at me as if I’ve committed a class A felony but was acquitted on all charges due to lack of sufficient evidence. I darted my eyes to the ground as I overheard the man say, 

“He’s perfect, and I’m sure he’ll get along with our daughter, they’re the same age.” Suddenly I felt a sensation of butterflies and bubblegum, is this what they called love? Do they actually want me? I looked up and smiled then I thought to myself, I’m finally getting out of here. I couldn’t contain my excitement and all the other orphans saw my smile. It was the best moment of my life until one kid walked over to my finished puzzle, then crumbled it while staring at me. We were locked in a death stare as neither of us was looking away, then I started to clench my fist. 

“Hey, Jamie come meet your new parents!” Saint Van Dyke yelled as I turned around and ran off. I saw the couple arguing after receiving news from Saint Van Dyke as I ran up to them, then the wife folded her arms. The man introduced himself to me as John, while the woman whispered her name while rolling her eyes; I believe she said her name was Roberta. She didn’t seem to like me very much as she and her husband seemed to have come to a contentious decision. 

     We arrived at this 4 bedroom Villa in Tarrytown which seemed pretty nice. Maybe these two are some stockbrokers or are filthy rich but never show it. Or maybe they work for the mafia and make deals to people for a living, a deal which they can’t refuse. My imagination ran wild as we walked out of the car and entered the home. John reached out to hold Roberta’s hand but she pulled away from him and went forward to open the door. I was pretty much stunned since I’ve never been inside of anywhere that wasn’t the orphanage. The steps spiraled into the second floor as the chandelier gleamed light against the black wooden floors, and against the pearl white walls. My own castle I thought to myself, this is where I will reign. I never pray, but today I told God that I just wanted to be happy. Suddenly I heard tapping coming from upstairs as if someone was running but didn’t want it to sound like they were in a haste. As I looked up I saw a girl curl from around the corner and make her way down the stairs. She had her hair in two curly buns and her skin was caramel, a tone of perfection. She made her way down the steps smiling as she maintained eye contact. I quickly got nervous. My heart started to beat rapidly while I prepared myself for the goddess which was coming my way. She made slow steps towards me then introduced herself, 

     “Hey, I’m Allison.” I quickly brushed my clammy hands against my pants and extended it,

      “Hi — I mean hey, my name is Jamie '' and she giggled, 

     “Jamie, that’s a nice name.” We stared into each other’s eyes as I couldn’t help but be caught in a daze, feeling as if I was drowning in her light brown eyes. Suddenly her mom stepped in between us and her tone wasn’t so friendly anymore,

      “Jamie your room is upstairs to the right; Allison follow me, we have to prepare supper.” Then we went our separate ways. 

The first week living with Allison and her parents was a dream come true. We went on a lot of dates — I mean outings, like to the movies and restaurants. Allison and I got to know each other well, especially last night. I heard knocking on my door at around 2 a.m. and I went to answer it. Allison was standing there and then she rushed in. She started asking me all kinds of questions about where I was from and what an orphanage is like. She seemed intrigued, yet disturbed at the facts that I told her. We sort of got into a deep conversation about our parents, as Allison seemed to be lonely in a big house filled with only her parents. Towards the end of the night we started dozing off, then she said she had to go because her parents would kill her if they found her in my room this late at night. We got caught in a stare again, like how we did when we first met. It was as if this love between us was effortless and meant to be; I suddenly leaned in, and so did she. Allison made it back to her room that night before the crack of dawn and I stayed up all night thinking about the night that we had, and how lucky I am. This is love, I think? 

During breakfast that morning Roberta wouldn't stop staring at me. I glanced towards Allison repeatedly with a friendly smile and she didn’t look at me once. We went on a ride out of Tarrytown to a place that seemed familiar, as if I’ve been there before. To my dismay, I realized we were outside of the gates of the orphanage as Saint Van Dyke was waiting outside. Roberta stormed out of the car, opened my door and grabbed a fist full of my shirt, and dragged me out of the car, Saint Van Dyke didn’t even flinch. Allison walked out of the car in a hurry.                                                                                                                                                                      “Allison tell her what happened!” Roberta said, and suddenly there was silence. “I said tell her now!” Roberta screamed. Allison lifted her head with her eyes full of tears as she looked at me one more time, for the last time, and said, “He raped me.” At that moment my heart shattered and my castle crumbled down. John turned his back and stormed off as Roberta followed him. I stared at Allison as she turned her back to me, praying she would just say it’s not true, that it was all a lie, that I’m not crazy! Tears hurled from my eyes as Saint Van Dyke ushered me into the orphanage as I knew that it was the last time I would ever leave the orphanage again, and the last I would see Allison’s face.

 

Epilogue 

 

“John that was five months ago, I had no choice that was my daughter—" “And that was my son! The only one out of a crowd that I thought— that I knew was special! He was quiet and didn’t have a bad bone in his body,” John said to Roberta. 

The house stood silent as John rushed to gather his things. Roberta was standing behind John in the living room with her arms folded. John suddenly turned around, 

“You know if you were so concerned about our daughter you would’ve never done that to her, and made her tell such a horrible lie. Look at her! Now she never wants to leave the house,” said John. 

“John she’s only 13 and that monster had sex with her, that’s all that was on his mind from the beginning, it was his only intention when he saw Allison. You heard what Saint Van Dyke said about his father, that’s what he was meant to be, it’s in his nature” 

John paused and turned around. His face was red and flustered as Roberta waited for him to answer.      “Did you even read his letter? Every word he wrote was filled with love. The way he talked about Allison, the way he described his first time meeting her, he loved her! Don’t you realize after all these months that the way he fell in love with Allison was the same way I fell in love with you?” 

“John, his letter was addressed to Allison, he was trying to manipulate her and turn her against you. John, I need to know that I did this for our family. I need you to know that I love you,” Roberta said.

 “... I don’t think I love you anymore,” said John. The room was momentarily silent as Roberta started to tear up. 

“You don’t understand Roberta. I know they’re just 13, but you chose to concoct a story in the middle of the night with my own daughter and lie about what actually happened that night —”    

“John I wasn’t lying!” Roberta interrupted

 “Don’t you damn lie to my face! I read the truth in his letter. Allison is too afraid to tell me the truth and I can tell by the way she’s been acting that this is all a lie. You’re saying Jamie was the manipulator but it was really you. No one in here is telling me the truth so I’m sorry.” John removed his wedding ring and dropped it on the floor. 

Roberta started to scream, “So you’re going to leave me and Allison! Remember the first time we met in Tarrytown, you said you loved me so we bought this house together, and you said you would never leave me. You said you wanted our children to grow old in this house with us. So you’re not the man I thought you were if you walk out those doors.” John, with tears in his eyes, looked at Roberta and yelled, 

“And you’re a murderer! Jamie killed himself because of you and your lies! You manipulated my daughter and killed my son. Jamie was good, and you dragged his name into the dirt, he knew no one would ever love him again. They called him a rapist and said he was just like his father which he never knew. They made his life a living hell. Every. Single. Day. and I pleaded with you, to tell the truth — I begged you, Roberta.” John started to cry as Roberta stood far away, hesitant to go and comfort him. Then she started to cry too. John spat on the floor in disgust and clenched Jamie’s letter tight with tears filling his eyes. 

“You can stay in your castle and live with your lies, I’m leaving.”